tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8252262388416087547.post3618064182924477602..comments2023-07-09T06:22:53.542-04:00Comments on Masculine Jew: Acting OutIsh Yehudihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09559113766026730554noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8252262388416087547.post-9063636648121867102013-04-08T01:40:37.647-04:002013-04-08T01:40:37.647-04:00The formalities such as the checking-into process ...The formalities such as the checking-into process and fitting criteria is perhaps necessary as a means to keep shidduch dating marriage-focused. Shidduch dating is by definition dating for the expressed purpose of marriage, so while you'd like to be relationship-focused and to approach the whole thing holistically - making the relationship most important (at first), those you are dating through this venue most likely see things differently than you and have other goals in mind. Thus the frustration. <br /><br />In saying as much, it may work better for you to get to know someone before getting serious and thinking along the terms of marriage, that way there's none of this pressure. In essence, you wouldn't be dating for marriage per se. (That is if you're comfortable with that, and you think the type of person you want to marry would be comfortable with that.) <br /><br />And yes, you want a person not a checklist; however, the easiest way to stay focused while dating for marriage is to make sure the person you are dating fits the criteria (ie. "the list") of things one might need or want in a spouse. While you may not be able to tell right away if what you're perceiving in your date matches the box on your list, somethings are non-negotiable. <br /><br />Either way, you must realize that despite that the "pool of people" dating for marriage tend to be extremely focused (at least it seems so in your experience) and therefore make quick judgments, there are those out there that will allow you to slowly unfold in their eyes and will relish in getting to know you little by little, without "boxing" you. They do exist.<br /><br />I always say that just because you know something about a person, it doesn't mean that you know what it means about him. What "fits" one person one way, may look very different on someone else. I'm sure others think like that too.<br /><br />Btw, no one ever said dating was enjoyable. It's hard all around. Mostly, you just gotta stick with it. Good Luck! Some Poems Don't Rhymehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09294404829014932086noreply@blogger.com