tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8252262388416087547.post7928293082697558176..comments2023-07-09T06:22:53.542-04:00Comments on Masculine Jew: The BreakerIsh Yehudihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09559113766026730554noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8252262388416087547.post-53643504668175575152012-02-03T11:27:30.238-05:002012-02-03T11:27:30.238-05:00I've been on both sides; it's in the first...I've been on both sides; it's in the first paragraph of the OP. More to the point, I have had my heart crushed. More than once. <br /><br />I've also learned to handle pain through my life experience. When I open up, allow myself to be vulnerable and then get dumped, it's very painful. It's a part of the dating process I'm struggling with, because my impulse is to close up and hold back, but I'm determined to keep an open heart. <br /><br />I don't direct the pain of rejection outwards. I talk to my friends and family, I remind myself that a person who can't appreciate the depths and heights of me simply isn't for me by virtue of their inability (or choice not) to accept, appreciate and love it. It just never struck me that they were a jerk, even though that thought saddens -and at times frustrates -me. <br /><br />I just don't get it. And I believe in learning to bear our burdens/pain rather than shoving them on the other person. <br /><br />If I heard this sentiment within a relationship -that when I do something that leads to the other person feeling hurt they call me a jerk and/or lash out at me (and/or say that to other people) -I would be very turned off. It's not a good way to cope, and I'm not interested at being berated or put down every time the other person is in pain.Ish Yehudihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09559113766026730554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8252262388416087547.post-82332162139807229642012-02-02T00:41:19.536-05:002012-02-02T00:41:19.536-05:00Just like the guy who broke up with the girl is no...Just like the guy who broke up with the girl is not a jerk and is human and is allowed to follow his own heart, the girl is also human.<br /><br />Someone recently dumped me and even though I liked him because he is an awesome guy and specifically NOT a jerk, if I saw him again I would want to punch him in the gut so he knows the pain I have been walking around with. I am more over it now, but is he still a jerk for dumping me? I think so. And I probably will think so until I meet my husband and he will just be a distant memory.<br /><br />Because I took the risk and made myself vulnerable, I gave myself the opportunity to set high hopes and open myself up to someone. Because he rejected that, I ultimately feel like that part of me that I shared has been rejected. So I think that probably when I say "he is a jerk for breaking up with me" my subconscious probably is translating that to "I tried to give of myself and it wasn't good enough" and that is what hurts - that I was not worthy, because I finally found someone that I was willing to to take that risk for and it failed.<br /><br />So yea, I am most likely defending myself by laying so much blame on the dumper, instead of just backing off and moving on. But let me tell you, it helps me carry the pain, as I walk away from that relationship limping. Just try to remember that you may have no other choice then to dump someone, but that it will still hurt them, no matter who it is. I find it fascinating that you seem so stoic when you talk about how wrong it is to judge dumpers/heartbreakers so harshly. But come on. No one ever broke your heart?SamIAmhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11430704176563958280noreply@blogger.com