tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8252262388416087547.post9023880421027664438..comments2023-07-09T06:22:53.542-04:00Comments on Masculine Jew: Farewell to the Shidduch Dating WorldIsh Yehudihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09559113766026730554noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8252262388416087547.post-21192549179327408132014-09-04T04:31:25.854-04:002014-09-04T04:31:25.854-04:00great idea....thanks for sharing this.
dating swe...great idea....thanks for sharing this.<br /><br /><a href="http://mypacificromance.com/" rel="nofollow">dating sweet younger women</a>Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06861100299302687554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8252262388416087547.post-1830357444618538432014-05-15T19:54:52.222-04:002014-05-15T19:54:52.222-04:00Hmmm... Interesting thoughts. I myself am burnt ou...Hmmm... Interesting thoughts. I myself am burnt out by online dating and traditional shidduch dating. I think that perhaps there is a happy medium. You can still be open to meeting girls friends or relatives want to set you up with , but also be open to meeting girls on your own. Mix it up. After a certain age it becomes more acceptable anyway to meet someone on your own or at a single's function. Even the yentas are more forgiving (if you actually care what they think) because they will be relieved to hear when you do marry. All the best whichever route you choose. I hope you continue blogging. Your thoughts are always appreciated. frum single femalehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01592899863773572708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8252262388416087547.post-89038731668452545142014-05-04T22:28:43.225-04:002014-05-04T22:28:43.225-04:00Damn, I just wrote a whole response and somehow lo...Damn, I just wrote a whole response and somehow lost it.<br />In a nutshell, what I want to say is that I think you are generalising ALOT by assuming that the people in the shidduch system think like the shidduch system 'thinks'.<br />Re point #3: Most girls (religious or secular) would find a guy who spills his guts or gets emotional early on as too intense. So you're looking for a type of girl as opposed to girl who dates out of the shidduch system. I think it's important to make that distinction.<br />Re point #4: It's great you are aware of how the square thinkers in the shidduch system have infected your thoughts. But you can easily tell a girl "I'm feeling internal pressure to decide really early on whether to marry you and that is preventing me from being present on the date. Could we agree to put marriage on the back burner for a few dates so we can have fun getting to know each other without the pressure?" You can even get the shadchan to pass on that message. I've done that. Any girl that is a thinker would enjoy getting to know you regardless of whether you propose or not. Getting to know new people, especially people with depth, is interesting.<br />If you are serious about getting a frum girl, it doesn't seem wise to drop the frum system. Yeh, go for it and date other girls too! But you're better off also staying in it even if you're not the typical shidduch-date candidate.<br />I hope I don't offend but it interesting how on the one hand, you have such a broad-minded perspective on things, but on the other hand, you are quite black and white about yourself and what you need. Doesn't give the girl of your dreams much room to enter your life.nomzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04975170153161520397noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8252262388416087547.post-74971538627175807492014-04-02T11:00:03.314-04:002014-04-02T11:00:03.314-04:00I don't think the problem is with shidduch-dat...I don't think the problem is with shidduch-dating, per se; I think you were doing which I have been doing until recently, being too open. <br /><br />I would go out even if I had a bad vibe because I thought that is what a single is supposed to do, and especially since there are enough stories about someone who dated another who totally wasn't what he was looking for and BAM! But you know what, if my bashert is meant to be someone totally not what I'm looking for, he will have to be sent my way other than the standard shidduch system. <br /><br />The premise of the shidduch system is that you are provided with enough basic information about someone else that you can gauge if it is worth a date. Online research beforehand (like FB) help you to see even more than what is on paper. After going out with guys who didn't have the same priorities as me because I didn't want to seem judgmental or I didn't want to offend the shadchan, yo get pretty burned out. <br /><br />From what I'm reading, I'm guessing you are burned out. <br /><br />So here's my suggestion: Don't throw out the baby with the bath water. Just be more selective. <br /><br />1) Friends' suggestions tend to have more validity than anything else. The majority of shidduchim are made my relatives or friends, so even if you have had bad experiences, give those a shot, within reason. <br /><br />2) Shadchanim emailing you random profiles is not redting a shidduch. Those can be taken with a grain (or a pound) of salt. <br /><br />3) Online dating can be messy because there is more opportunities for the single to self-promote, or describe themselves how they like to see themselves, but not who they are in actuality. Tread carefully. <br /><br />Take a breather from dating, but since you do want to get married it would not be recommended to quit shidduch dating completely. Additionally, just because someone is single doesn't mean the method they date is without merit; sometimes Hashem just wants us to be single for longer than others. After all, if bashert is bashert, but I am doing my hishtadlus, that must mean that I just have to wait a little longer! Princess Leahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17217157534383672867noreply@blogger.com