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Apr 6, 2011

It Was "Nice"

After talking to a few friends about this and reflecting on a bunch of first, second and even third dates I've been on I had an epiphany.

The experience of being on a formal date and being excited about the person I'm with are pretty much diametrically opposed. Something about it -maybe the rigidity? the expectations? the rules and social niceties? -just makes the whole thing so structured, and I feel like the formality/structure may block my/their personality from shining. The person I'm with is suddenly just "nice," as am I.

I hear it from the other side too. The guy was "nice." The date was "nice." All went as it should. No interest? No excitement.   

What are your thoughts and experiences?


  1. wow. I've been going out shidduch dating for the past couple of weeks now. even though shaddchan's are not really involved in the process, we think of our dating in terms of shidduch dating and so we know where the dating is supposed to be headed and so it makes our interactions a bit contrived in the sense that we should try and make it work instead of letting it flow naturally, which it would if we didn't have the 'shidduch' expectations.. and thus, it didn't work out despite me having many qualities she's looking for in a husband.

    tonight, I went out and there was a religious girl there, and even though she has shidduch dated before, we were being more natural with each other because we were just having fun with no expectations...and because of that, I have more faith that things could work out better than the above shidduch dating story..

  2. It can be really frustrating, sometimes that pressure gets in the way of being able to see each other for who we really are. I've been there myself too.

    I did at some point make a decision to do more things I enjoy on dates, so that I can be more comfortable and more "me," or at least have fun regardless of whether or not she and I "click."

    Paradoxically, that goes a long way to actually connecting more genuinely.