Accepting What We Already Have

The holiday of Shavuot is a fascinating one; while others reenact aspects of our past -specifically events that occurred to us -this particular holiday is about what we did. Specifically, our choice to accept, embrace, learn and uphold the words of the Torah.

While we recieved the Torah ages ago, there is -on a yearly basis -a renewal of that acceptance. One that goes above and beyond the choices we make daily to learn and uphold our Biblical inheritance. 

But how do we accept what we already have? Is it just a renewal, a symbolic gesture or a recommitting? Do we acknowledge our going astray to return once more?

Many know of the Midrash that speaks of Hashem holding Har Sinai (Mt Sinai) over our heads as a wedding canopy at the time the Torah was given to us; while some of that may connote fear and coercion, it also hints at a special, intimate, marriage-like relationship with The Almighty and the Torah. And over the past few Parshiyot, the Torah describes an unbreakable relationship between Hashem and the Jewish people. Whether that is for good or for worse, this unique relationship impacts the Jewish nation.

Esther Perel, a psychotherapist and specialist on intimacy (I know, she sounds so frum!) and author of the book "Mating in Captivity," said at a roundtable discussion that long-term relationships should be viewed from a perspective of "short term with the option to renew." The point of this idea, of course, is twofold: first, that relationships change and evolve as individuals do, and second that one cannot take for granted any relationship, otherwise they will cease to work for it. To expect that a relationship is simply going to last forever means that I may get lazy or do whatever I please, but it will still go on the way I'd like it to.

But I believe the holiday of Shavuot carries with it the message that Ester Perel put forth. We cannot and should not take for granted a relationship with God and a connection with the Torah. By having "an option to renew" every year, we recognize and say "Na'aseh V'Nishmah," that "we will do and we will listen."

In that same vein, we stay up all night delving into Torah, a symbol -not only of this commitment but also -in renewing our relationship with The Almighty. We have the "option to renew" and we vigorously say YES with our actions and our words in learning Torah through the night.

I do believe this idea is both beautiful and applies not only to Torah, but to marriage as well.

Pesach: Freedom in the Merit of Women

"For most of history, Anonymous was a Woman." - Virginia Wolfe

There are three major holidays that women are obligated in time-bound commandments within Jewish Law - By Chanukah, Purim and Pesach (Passover). Each time, the reasoning given is that they were part of the miracle ("Af hei'n Hayu B'oto Ha'nes").

Regarding Pesach, the Gemara (Pesachim, 108a-b) mentions that reasoning regarding the four cups of wine and Rash"i comments on the spot that in the merit of those women in Egypt the entire Jewish nation was redeemed. Their deeds and merits had a direct causal impact on the exodus and binding of the Jews together, as the American national anthem so aptly puts it, "one nation, under God."

Personally, I love that our history does not just use the label of "Anonymous" in the place of women (though it does sometimes bug me when the impact of various female role models and leaders is under-stressed or glossed over). And yet, most of the Egyptian decrees primarily affected men (eg. death of firstborn men, and by many accounts the field-labor of slavery).

I would like to take a moment here and recognize a debt of gratitude due for all the hard work that women -past and present -put in to make Pesach the experience it has always been. From their actions that merited our freedom to the tremendous work preparing the home and all of the different food items and aspects of the seders. If it were not for their unrelenting hard work, we'd have never had the original exodus and Pesach, nor would we have any Pesach Sedarim the way we do year after year.

For myself in particular, I must extend my tremendous appreciation and thanks to my own Mother, who manages to make the most delicious food of the year, every year, in addition to putting together amazing seders. I would be remiss if I left out her charoset -it was worth coming out of Egypt just for that alone -and I wish I could have it all year 'round. Sure, I often help with setting up, with Divrei Torah and invigorating the seder experience for myself, my immediate and extended family as well as our esteemed guests. But that's my little part, and what my Mother and other women throughout the Jewish communities in the world do to make Pesach possible gives others (like me) the freedom to enrich and enjoy an amazing evening and holiday.

Swinging back around, I also appreciate that despite how men may have experienced more oppression in Egypt, the women did absolutely everything they could -in their relationships and their observance -to help their men. What dedication! Their work leads to our freedom -physical and spiritual at the very least -and not just at the time of slavery, but in every generation.

To me, these reasons very well explain why women are obligated to partake in the commandments -in a very important way, it's their party! The fruit of their labors, even though we men reaped much of the benefit.

Also, I think there's a beautiful idea buried here -that we should fight (not with each other, but rather) as one to achieve rights and freedom regardless of gender or our differences. It is a message of unity, and I think the process of women working so hard (in whatever ways they could) to achieve freedom for (both themselves and) the men who were so harshly oppressed was precisely the process that bound us as one nation.

Have a wonderful Pesach, 
Chag Kasher V'sameach!

(Side-note: Perhaps it was that same process that bound the American nation together in fighting for freedom. And would very well explain the idea of "one nation, under God.")