I've heard one too many things about what a guy should do on a date.
From car doors to eye contact and compliments, from planning protocol to asking if she'd like to go to the bathroom. From initial contact to engagement... and even how to ask out and dump a gal he's not into. Even reading minds.
CHILL OUT. STOP PROJECTING. STOP EXPECTING. STOP DECIDING WHAT HE NEEDS TO DO FOR YOU IN ADVANCE.
Just take a guy as he is. With all those expectations and protocols imposed on us (that's right, imposed), a guy can't just be himself and be a date-worthy, marriageable, good guy.
Did he text you to come out and meet him? Did he open the car door? Did he forget to ask if you need to use the ladies' room?
IS THAT REALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR MARRIAGE?
Perhaps it's more important that he's caring and respectful. But somehow it's all about the little details. You can nitpick, but even a guy like me won't fit into it. And heaven forbid he just doesn't spontaneously read your mind and figure out what you expect him to do next... of course that just means he's not good enough. Or a jerk.
There are great guys who don't fit into that. Really. Ask me how I know.
A great guy might not keep track of how much you've been drinking and how likely you are to need the bathroom. He may not realize that your toes are freezing off. He could forget that you like it when someone opens a door for you. He might think that walking up to your front door and having to greet and chat with your parents for ten minutes before taking you out is too formal, or perhaps assume it's too early on.
But a great guy will respond when you let him know your needs and expectations clearly and respectfully. He will listen when you let him know what you need him to do. He will stop giving advice when you let him know you really just want empathy. He will respect your boundaries, when they are clearly laid out.
No man, however great he is, can know and fulfill everything in your mind. No human being is designed to serve you based on your own expectations.
For a man, a woman's heart and mind is unknown, foreign, confusing and doesn't follow our conventional logical process. But a great man -he will listen, respond and show respect and care when you let him know what's going on in there.
Of all the women who know me well, most of them are shocked when I tell them that I routinely hear from women -after a couple dates -that they're not interested in dating me anymore. But this is precisely the reason why. The little, ridiculous things that I couldn't possibly do. Unrealistic expectations and snap judgments based on the tiniest of "mistakes."
I have news for all you wonderful women out there looking for Mr. Right. This is how we are as men. The best of us will respond well when we're clued in. The worst of us won't care. The best of us want to know. The worst of us really don't care. But none of us can read minds.
We don't know how you -as a woman and individual -see the world, and the only way we'll find out is if it's communicated in a way that we can process it.