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Mar 5, 2012

On the Flip Side

Here's a story from a while back I haven't had a chance to post, and since I've been quite busy, I thought now may be a good time to share...

I've heard many a commentary from women about having to make a formal shidduch resume, being asked to ship over a portfolio complete with pictures and having no such reciprocation from the expectant guy, which may evoke the image of some spoiled royal prince whimsically sorting through options, demanding the best and discarding the rest.

Well, the following is a story of the -perhaps slightly exaggerated -irony of my own experience in the reverse.

When a friend you haven't spoken to in more than eight months contacts you out of the blue and leads off with some not-so-subtle questions about  your dating status and criteria... you usually know what's coming. So he puts me in touch with his wife, whose best friend he'd like to set me up with. Okay, so I ask what they'd like from me... and within twenty minutes, I'm sending my resume, profile and a bunch of carefully selected pictures. They said it would help... so why not, right? 

Now, within ten seconds, I'm already decided that I'm going out; I really appreciate when friends think of me, and I figure that they'd think about it first. Plus it doesn't happen every ten seconds, so... why not give it a shot, right?

During the course of the conversation with my friend's wife, she mentions that she already ran the idea by her friend first, profile and all. Whaaa? Take a deep breath.

Well, then. Apparently she's "very protective" of her best friend. Tentatively, I file that one under acceptable reasons and right next to "no profile or pictures." I soothe myself by deciding -for the first time -to do some Facebook stalking, perhaps even recruiting an expert or two -and perhaps a listed mutual friend -to make more sense of the suggestion. At least I got a name, right? 

Okay, I satisfy enough of my curiosity and we go on a first date; I have a good time. I want to go out again. I hear back from my friend, he tells me I should be patient, that it may take time for her to open up. Okay, so now I'm getting coached on dating this particular person. Patience? I can let it take time...

Speaking of which, time for date number two, right? Maybe, except... she nixes me with the age old cliche "it's not you, it's me."



  1. I'm surprised that you didn't anticipate your friend's wife showing her "best friend" the pictures of you that you had sent. Why else would she have asked for them? Has she not met you that she needs to know what you look like?

    And I'm confused. What does the profile and pictures have to do with her having said no? Was there some information that had been imparted in the profile or pictures that would have caused her to say no prematurely? I can understand that you would be, disheartened (for lack of a better word), had she said no after only seeing them, but she went out with you. Unless there's something I missed....?

    1. What I found interesting is that there was no exchange. I expected my info to be sent over, but I got nothing back. She said no after the first date; the whole point of the story is that the shoe was on the other foot.