Jun 21, 2011
My Number One
I have a life mission. I'm ambitious. I know in my bones that I'm going to do great things, and I'm working on that with every ounce of my strength and every fiber in my body. Also, I'm a tad arrogant (sometimes). I know, it happens.
One of the things I look for when I'm dating a woman is how she responds to me talking about my life mission. Because, in the long run, if she's not going to be my number one fan... if she's uninterested or shoots down every inspiration I have, I will hold back on sharing this part of me with a woman. In a relationship, that's going to create a divide instead of a point of connection.
I love being challenged, I love it when a person makes me think or questions my ideas. I already tend to think them through with careful consideration that borders on methodical meticulousness, and so I find myself impressed and appreciating when someone has me pondering possibilities. But that has to come from a place of "Oh, what a great concept or idea, let's take a look at it from multiple angles" rather than "oh, well that's ridiculous and here are a bunch of reasons why." It's the difference between scaffolding or poking holes -and both may be a challenge, but the approach really matters.
One way communicates loving care and support, while the other communicates a critical -perhaps even venomous -and less respectful connection, colder with its lack of care in communicating concerns (perhaps this is what PNN meant about prisms, in which case I tip my hat to his genius). The idea or inspiration may not be all that great to begin with -and trust me, I've got more than my fair share of ridiculous ideas -but communicating with respect and care should trump my lack of fully thinking through an idea before wanting a sounding board (or inspirational muse) to consider my thoughts aloud; a great life partner should trust that I'll realize if it's not a great idea without having to smack me over the face with it.
A very important note here is that a woman doesn't have to immediately be my number one fan. If she expresses any interest or admiration, she's got major points to start with. But if she's apathetic or uninterested (or worse yet, argumentative and critical), she's already turning me away.