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Aug 8, 2011

Dear Shadchan/Shadchanit,

Thank you.

I don't know how often you get this from singles, especially those of us who may be frustrated. But I feel it is necessary to acknowledge more than a few incredible things about the work you do. I can think of no higher compliment than to say that I'd pick you as my holy defender in the Heavenly Court when I'm eventually due up there, and the following are more reasons why.

First, you are relentless. You pursue opportunities and chances for suggestions and matches -for me -with a vociferous passion that borders on obsession. What zeal!

Second, you have a life, and yet you manage to make me feel -time and time again -that I'm so important and matter so much to you, that you will not let me go and will never stop searching for me. It's like having another mother, the kind of care you put into finding someone for me. Sometimes I feel like your child, the way you go to great lengths just so I have dating opportunities. Whether it's all about me or the Jewish people, I truly admire it. What love!

Third, you are tireless. I get emails and all kinds of other contact from you at all hours of the day and night, almost as though you lose sleep over the thought of my not having a spouse yet. I can tell that you spend hours and hours and hours. Even if it's not all for me, I know all of us who merit your blessed efforts really owe you a great deal. You choose to spend your time on me/us instead of on yourself. What altruism!

Fourth, you are always here for me. I can talk to you when I'm frustrated, when I'm having trouble, when I need some human contact in the dating process. I know it's a process, and every person you send my way is part of that process, whether or not they are destined to be the part that ends up under the Chuppah with me. I also know you'll make time for me when I really need it. What loyalty!

Fifth, you are attentive. Even though I nitpick at the little things that aren't to my liking, that one itty-bitty detail that isn't just what I want, there's a whole lot you really get. You work hard to understand me, and to find a woman who will too. I may not always focus on all the things that are spot-on, but I am right now. What dedication!

Sixth, you are always excited when you call. Every time I see your number, I know I'm going to be greeted with a smile that I can hear on the other end of the phone and a brilliant idea that will brighten my day too. Sometimes, I wonder if you have any other facial expressions. What enthusiasm!

I could go on, I'm sure, but let me just say that I really, really appreciate you, and everything you do for me.

And so, from the bottom of my heart,
I say thank you.


  1. Great expression of gratitude, although I am so used to reading blog post venting against Shadchanim that i wasn't sure if you're being sarcastic or seriously thanking them.

  2. @ Yedid Nefesh:

    When in doubt, check the label :P

  3. Big fan of your writing, but Masculine? Seriously? Have you read your blog? ;)

  4. What did you expect? What does Masculine mean to you?

  5. Pretty much what it means to most of the English speaking world: Having qualities or appearance traditionally associated with men, esp. strength and aggressiveness.

    I guess you could redefine it to fit whatever definition you have for it, and in that sense your blog could be called Masculine. You could also call a cow a cat, but it still moos.

    According to the standard definition though, I've read more masculine writing in Oprah. :-P Like I said though, I do enjoy your writing, just think your name is a bit misleading.

  6. Thanks so much for your comments, I'm glad you enjoy!

    So you're saying that what I choose to write -and perhaps my style too -doesn't fall under the heading "masculine." (Or that the qualities/appearance I present here are not traditionally associated with the idea of masculine manly men).

    I chose a name that felt right for me. I write about topics I choose to address and often to get feedback. The two don't have to seem exactly the same to me, because there's more than one (or two or three) dimension(s) to who I am. I like that about myself, and I hope people can realize everyone's got more than our stereotypes give them credit for. :)

    It's true, though. In many ways I am mushy, empathetic, compassionate... what many would call feminine or girly. GOOD!

    You should see how women respond to that kind of thing. Oh wait... :-P