Doin' My Own 'Thang

When I was younger -and this wasn't so long ago -I'd decided I wasn't ready to date.

Why?

For me, it was a feeling that I wasn't ready for marriage. Not feeling mature enough, prepared, patient, having the necessary skills, understanding and experience. Not having put in enough work. It didn't feel like it could be the right time for me.

Flash forward to about 6 months ago, when that began to change. I started seriously looking, buckling down about dating issues and removing the barriers to begin dating with a real sense of purpose, a clear goal, concentration.

And in my naive state I figured that, since I wasn't ready before and now I am, Hashem would send the right person.

"Well," I thought to myself the other morning when I woke up, "I'm ready! I've been working for years to get to this point, preparing myself to feel ready. Now... Where are you, God? Where is she?"

Then it struck me that my own little mind and limited perspective don't determined the forces of the universe for when I meet the right person. Plenty of people meet the right person before they are ready, and they date (or have a relationship) for a long time. Others wait seemingly endlessly.

But a mentor of mine -one of my professors in graduate school, actually -noted that sometimes, even though we may feel ready, our lives may not yet be. For me, the implication was that I'm at a critical point in my life and in pursuing my dreams. Perhaps, in some way, doing so means that even though I may feel ready, my life may not yet have the flexibility -or the space -for a wife and (eventually also) family.

It was an interesting perspective, though I'm not sure I completely agree with it. Still, it's silly to assume that when I feel ready, that the stars and planets will align (metaphorically speaking), that my mazal will bring the right influences into play and the right person will simply walk into my life.

It will all come in its own time, which I'll have to discover as I plod along, doin' my own 'thang.