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Oct 3, 2011


Something I’m sure I’ve read and heard somewhere else is that many –if not most –marriages are the result of a guy who was quite persistent. Sometimes the woman wasn’t interested, sometimes she didn’t know he existed, sometimes she wasn’t sure… whatever she was thinking, it’s the guy who said to himself (and perhaps to her): “She and I, we’re getting married. She’s the one. That’s all there is. It’s going to happen, I’ll make it happen.”

Now, clearly I’m not talking about stalker-creepy style obsession, but a respectfully slow, persistent, and consistent determination. The kind that has a woman wondering and feeling there’s something special about her that this guy is pursuing her with such patient fervor.

The idea got me thinking about the couples I know, and I remember distinctly hearing time and time again that the woman was not sure, or reluctant, or not really into it. I used to feel that she’s got to be interested, excited and passionate for him. Otherwise, what’s there to pursue?

The implication of this realization was potentially profound. Perhaps it means that by simply making the choice and executing a slow, steady unwavering resolution to show a woman she’s the one it’ll happen. 

Perhaps that’s a tad scary to me.

Or maybe, that’s part of a greater whole. Things fitting together in other ways that require a bit of a push, a show of commitment to solidify.

Who knows? But the correlation has been fascinating to consider. Think about it, about the couples you know. How persistent was the man?


  1. Actually, most of the couples I know it was the GUY who was hounded into submission. His buddy had to beg him to go out, the girl was redd twenty times, the guy said no repeatedly then met her on his own . . .

    Nope, no women do I know was the one who needed to be coaxed.

  2. Hmm interesting correlation, I would think it would depend on the dynamics and personality in the couple. Both work according to the stories and you cannot predict what might happen to you. of course you could make an effort but perhaps before overly pursuing a girl who's said no, feel out the situation carefully
    Its hard to tell, girls are sometimes insecure and need the guy to take things in their own hand. on the other hand, you have guys who are laid back and will not budge so much until she decides to do something about it. Find what works for you...

  3. That's one of the truest observations I've heard in a while. I'm going out with someone now and it's the longest relationship I've ever been in. All the other guys I've gone out with were either too nice or too weak to put up a fight for me, but this guy..this guy has the most patience I've ever seen and he has most certainly be fighting for me. Us woman want to be fought for, we want you guys to be the hunters. Obviously not in an aggressive way but in a way that shows that we're the best out there and you want us. Maybe next time a girl says no, don't take it lying down. (Or maybe you should). Just make it clear that you're interested. Good luck :)

  4. @ Princess Lea:

    Interesting, I wonder if that is different by community or the type of dating. I also wonder if you're talking more about getting someone to agree to a first date versus the "I'm going to marry that one" attitude I've seen among many men.

    @ Yedid Nefesh:

    Oh, I know which way works for me...

    @ Feisty Frummy:

    Sounds great for you! I'm very glad to hear it's going well (and, as an aside, that may explain why you've been a tad scarce recently).

    I respect a woman's choice, and I don't really do the "chasing game" when she says she's done. I make it abundantly clear when I'm interested in a woman, and I pursue with confidence and sensitivity. But "no" means "no." Also, I don't do the on-again/off-again thing. I have a lot of patience and I'll take all the time in the world to get to know someone, but I just don't have patience for someone who cycles between "yes" and "no." Being unsure is one thing, and means it may just take more time but rejecting and coming back and so forth is just unattractive to me.

    Maybe if I were dating a woman long enough to get to know her, to find something worth fighting for...