Objectification, A Parody

Disclaimer: This piece is a parody (see title). It's meant to be ironic, sarcastic, humorous and otherwise juxtapose two things in a way that bears out some kernel of insight through hyperbole. Just keep that in mind. 

How come women get so upset with men objectifying them? It's not like they're any better... they're just sneakier about it.

No really, think about it.

A guy, what does he do? He takes a first look at a woman and he's saying, "daaaaamn, she's hott!" And I can hear the feminists from fuming in their chairs already, being like "oh no, he didn't just say that! What an objectifying pig! He should treat her better, she's a person! What a jerk, he doesn't even care about her personality, who she is!"

How is he supposed to know, he hasn't even met her yet! But he's the objectifying pig, sure. Feminists. 

Well at least he's upfront about it. Women, ohhhh, they have guile. But men, what you see is what you get right there. When they get into a relationship, a guy sticks around because he likes her for who she is.

Awwww. Right?

But now let's fast-forward a bunch of years, okay? And the fuming feminist is in a relationship with this guy for a while already. Maybe even married with a kid. Now what's going on? She's barking orders at him -"go do the dishes!" "Take out the trash!" and "We need more milk!" And he's got to ask permission to spend time with his friends. She practically owns him, and she's treating him like it too.

You know what I mean? 

Ownership, like an object. No kidding, and men are the ones that objectify. No, you women do it too. But we stop after the first five seconds. Y'all might start later on, but you'll be doing it the rest of a dude's life.

Sneaky.