I have been very cautious about the time I carve out for dating, and balancing that with my busy schedule. In particular, as I deal with graduate school and try to cram time in for dating, I'm finding that I have less and less wiggle room to date. Beyond that, since presenting my recently updated dating track record I've been thinking, analyzing and exploring how I feel about it.
I have to say, overall I'm not impressed. I have found myself curious and intrigued by the women I go out with, but find they either don't share that curiosity or choose not to give me that chance. I'm not the type to play games, I'm the type to have an open heart, but I've found myself more judged than ever. I've heard more excuses than I'd ever made, and most of them seem ridiculous to me.
While I'm focusing on graduate school, I'm thinking I don't have the time or energy to keep dating as I have over the past nine months. Perhaps bitterness is setting in, at least for the time being. Perhaps I just need (another) break and to focus on myself. Or maybe I just need to chill out a bit, who knows?
Perhaps it's time to change up the way I go about dating again. Or maybe it's just a grinding game of numbers. Perhaps -as the faithful would say -it's "not my time yet." Or maybe it's time for me to get super-picky and judgmental, to reject each woman who doesn't immediately feel exactly right for me.
Ugh. I seriously dislike that last thought. And the one before that, and -come to think of it -the one before that. In fact, the entire previous paragraph is frustratingly upsetting to think about right now. I'm working on creating space for someone else in my life and I'm not getting much receptiveness in return.
So I'm deciding it's time to coast along, bachelor style. Embrace where I am right now, stop thinking about making space for someone else who isn't yet in my life. Own what I want and pursue my own path. At least, for now.
Okay, time to put on my rocket pack. Selling myself to science was the cost, but at least I'll get to fly... Onward!