After going out a number times, several attempts at plans got waylaid as a result of summer travel, natural disasters and other events/scheduling issues that get in the way.
And so, after three weeks, while I've kept in touch with the woman I began dating over a month ago and we talk with relative consistency, the distance (and I absolutely abhor long distance) cooled things off more than I'd expected. It's been like a forced break, and while I'd been up in the clouds, the distance has been... sobering.
Things I'd seen and appreciated and really liked feel faded. Things I was quick to overlook resurfaced and made me wonder. A few flags have begun to emerge -thoughts and concerns I want to keep an eye on. In part, it's been eye-opening, like being able to see again.
But I also realized that thinking through all these things and being separated has me over-analyzing the situation. The distance pulled apart what I'd wanted and thought and felt was perhaps beginning to (and has the potential to) come together, and I was definitely not ready for it.
For me, that kind of "cooling off" can pull apart connections that were made over the first few dates, which was a jarring and surprising experience to me this time 'round. So, when the opportunity finally arises again, I may have to start over with her.
Such is life... but chances are, I'll thoroughly enjoy the experience all over again.
I think that distance and "breaks", whether intentional or unintentional, can be very good for a relationship. Mainly, because they allow YOU to see things more clearly. The beginning of anything, whether school, relationships, diets, etc, is very exciting! Specially when there is a strong attraction, one tends to overlook certain things (i.e. the things that bother you, you tend to be "hush" up). Distance and breaks give you the opportunity to analyze the relationship from without. Obviously, you are still biased if you are interested in the person, but you can perhaps begin to see them differently (removing the pink colored glasses).
ReplyDeleteBut speaking from experience, if the person/connection is right/strong, all those things you felt that are now feel "faded" will blossom again once you see them. I don't think it would be starting over again. I think it would be building, not from where you left off, but from a completely different place altogether...
p.s. In my humble opinion, the strongest of relationships and connections are those that withhold the test of time and distance. There are friends that I can go months without speaking with them and when we do speak, its like if we had just spoken yesterday...
I agree, taking a bit of space from the person you are seeing will definitely give you time to see how you really feel about the person. If you find yourself thinking of them often- its worth revisiting :)
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